myseXytree

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe sheet,” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of >humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ’ pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit

S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on

back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute

descent

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That’s what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right

wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last………………

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget

pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget 

rocketjumper:

flourhoneymilk:

Icarus
Today my father made wings out of feathers and wax so that we could escape the king’s castle. But I flew too close to the sun and the wings melted. I then fell into the ocean below. I can’t swim. FML

Odysseus
Today I came up with a plan that helped my country win a 10-year war. But, because I forgot to pray to Poseidon, I won’t get to go home for another 10 years. FML

Oedipus
I’ve been really busy. I solved the riddle of the Sphinx, gained entrance to the city of Thebes, killed the king and took his place, and then married his wife and had several kids. As it turns out, the guy that I killed to become king was my dad. And the chick that I married and had kids with was my mother. FML

These are fucking hilarious.

for all my mythology dorks