(208): I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off… I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome (336): Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don’t say Let’s roll Ouch… textsfromlastnight.com
(404): It doesn’t have to be a walk of shame…just pretend he took you to breakfast. (1-404): No one shows this much boob at breakfast Courtesy of http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/ “Remember that text you shouldn’t have sent last night? We do.”
24: 1994 Un-Aired Pilot
Slumdog Price is RIght
After months of careful research, MALE and FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender: MALE PROCEDURE 1. Drive up to the cash machine. 2. Put down your car window. 3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN. 4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. 5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt. 6. Put window up. 7. Drive off. FEMALE PROCEDURE ...
Bad Domain Names
All of these are companies that didn’t spend quite enough time considering how their online names might appear - and be misread… Who Represents is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is www.whorepresents.com/ Experts Exchange is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange Advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com/ Looking...
Google my yahoo and I’ll twitter all over your facebook
Insane Customer at a book store
(A guy comes in looking a bit haggard.)
Me: “Hi sir! Can I help you find something?”
Customer: “Let’s move to the back of the store.”
(He takes my arm and we walk to one of the last shelves of the store.)
Customer: “I need a book on immortality.”
Me: “All right - we’ve got science fiction over here…”
Customer: “No, I need to research immortality. I’m immortal. See this scar on my neck? A guy cut me a couple days ago and it’s almost healed. I’m immortal.”
(I stare at the large cut on his neck that is laced together with stitches).
Me: “Um, I’m not sure if we have any books like that.”
Customer: “Well, can you buy me a sword from the store next door?”
Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not allowed to do that.”
Customer: “I promise I’ll pay you back. I’ll give you my ID so you can track me down later and everything. I need a sword.”
Me: “Really, I could get fired for that.”
(The customer looks up and then starts sniffing the air.)
Customer: “They’re coming. I have to go!” *runs out of the store*